*To have an education
*To have the plethora of best friends that I have, friends that get me, that I get, and that get life; friends that I can be myself with, friends that I have a mutual relationship with in terms of inspiring one another and making each other laugh.
*To be able to laugh at just about anything.
*That everyone has their own unique laugh.  (okay, I'll get off the laughing kick now)
*To have a sister who is my best friend and who is genuine and true to herself at such a young age, to a sister who listens to what I have to say, to a beautiful sister who looks up to me as a role model and to whom I do the same.
*To have a mother (my post-foster care guardian, technically) who cares about me to an inexplicable degree (although she manifests it in overly protective and concerned ways sometimes).
*To be able to have people in my life that are willing to listen to the truth, and speak some of their own truth with a lyrically logical essence to it.
*That my three best friends at college (including the one who graduated over a year ago) are coming to visit me in Portland, and are wanting to stay for at least two weeks.
*That this town is full of beautiful strangers that I get to talk to everyday.
*My slow growing collection of gemstones, just cause I dig their energy and I'm into that sort of thing...and I think they are pretty.
*That my father grows medical marijuana.
*That I like his fiancee, and she likes me.
*That the child I nanny for can't get enough of me, which makes our time spent together beautiful instead of trying.
*To be a niece of a beautiful girl!
*That I am still close with my best friend from 4th grade, who was there for all the hard times.
*That I am going up to Washington to see her this weekend!
*That I have crocheting hooks, books, and sewing needles.
*That my sister and I share a room, because its straight up fun.
*That I have found a beautiful park to spend my "me time" in that is close to both home and work, and that I can still have some alone time, even if it doesn't total very much it is sufficient.
*That we humans are able to be both rational and imaginative creatures. 
*That human language even exists!  (seriously, just think about how absurd it is and complex language is even though it is all based on different variations of sound and mouth movements; though some would say it was inevitable, it is still regardless some sort of a miracle.

And that is all I have for today.  Im pretty thankful for Gaia too, actually.

I hope everyone has a beautiful day, that the sun bursts through your window in the morning and gently shakes you into wakefulness with a smile on your lips and the word "love" itching to escape your throat a million times.

I stumbled on this.  A neurologist with a brain tumor explains her pretty spiritual experience of having a stroke and watching her brain break down from within.  It really makes you think about how our brain works, the sense of wonder, the sense of present moment, our rationalizing/compartmentalizing faculties...how it all ties in, and the intriguing component of boundless ENERGY--which is my favorite thing, and a secret key to my own personal spiritual beliefs.



http://www. ted. com/index. php/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight. html

These last two weekends have been incredible.  Beyond incredible--so beautiful they could make my heart stop with a smile on my face, they could take everything I've ever learned in a classroom and push it out of my head, replacing it with bliss and laughter (idiot savant?). 

I went to the OCF last weekend, a place with the sky packed with every star in the sky, strangers who are no longer strangers after 15 seconds because everyone is so friendly, glow sticks, drum circles, firewalkers, painted breasts, and literally EVERYTHING else.  The first night I danced in the epicenter of a small drum circle, feeling like it was my world and my heartbeat (caused by all the individual heart/beats of all the drummers), feeling connected, feeling glowing and enmeshed in some kind of fluid fabric of life.  The second night I sang to a group of strangers for over an hour on a little stage, mind you it was kind of broken, I would have to fumble for a while thinking of songs, but everyone listened, everyone sang along, it was about entertaining all of us, not showing off (and mind you, I am VERY shy about singing so this was a big deal for me to be able to let go and do this). 
Why do I love this place?  Because it made me feel free.  There were no taboos here, no room for social embarassment--there was only room for mutual respect and smiles. 

And what's funny is, the week before I tried to cultivate in my head what my greatest desire was.  And I thought awhile and figured out that it was freedom--freedom to not care to the utmost degree what people think (while still being a benevolent force), freedom to take my own path and not care if it is a very unpaved one, freedom to love people and trust people to the highest degree, freedom to scream OUT LOUD.  And without realizing it, I've been working on it for years.  But these past two weekends it has started to unravel even more, the core--the reaching of my desire.

And zoobombing?  Exhilarating.  Riding down steep streets in the dark, encompassed by trees and moonlight, topping 30-40 miles per hour, feeling the wind on your face, feeling this incredible mixture of both fear and excitement, the world flying by you, the world flowing through you--AMAZING.


I LOVE LIFE.

So Im going to be honest.  I have a huge crush on a 16 year old boy right now (Im 20), and I think he is easily one of the most amazing people I have ever met--a very special and rare human being.  But obviously, let me reiterate, he is 16, and I am 20.  He and I, I would say, share a similar sort of maturity and take on the world--he is laidback and nonjudgemental and loving, but he also is free and crazy in his own way.  I dont think the age difference matters all that much when you weigh out quality of the person vs age of the person, although I would like some thoughts on the matter.  My friends, when I told them, just laughed and said, "That sounds like something you would do Angie,"  which means I know they dont care.  But does it really matter or not?  So unsure. 

But yet, so happy and I have butterflies, and I haven't gotten legitimate ones of those in awhile.

I layed in the grass last night at the park by my house with K, we were laughing so hard that my eyes were spilling out tears and I couldnt sit upright,
trying to figure out how to kiss properly when you cant get yourself to stop smiling,
mutual compliments, sharing stories,
being told I am the funniest person you've ever met (probably because I say weird shit and point out weird things),
that I am easily your fave person (and he's up there in my top 5 too),
whispering to each other "you're so beautiful" and meaning it inside your bones,
whispering "I love you" and meaning it with all the benevolence contained in me,
me telling you why I like your sensual nature (not to mention, he's become a realllly good kisser!),
and us staring each other in the eyes in the most comfortable and smiley silence I've ever known.


Love, love, tender raw silly silly sillllllly love.  Life is a beautiful blessing.